Adoption… and then what?


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It seems so easy. You are pregnant, you cannot keep or don’t want the baby, and several people (who have a monetary or other interests) are suggesting or pressuring you to give up the baby for adoption “because there are wonderful parents waiting to give your child a great life.”  Really? For sure, there ARE wonderful parents who are adopting children that need a home. No bad word about that! Often those kids are filling a hole in the childless marriages of those people. All that love and care they receive from those parents is a GREAT gift.

However, babies are grown in the whom of their own mother. And giving away by birth is a deep felt Trauma with life-long consequences, with often a theme of BONDING issues and a doubtful SELF-ESTEEM. Poor birth mothers who have been forced to give their babies away, they are traumatized for life.
A baby is not a THING. A baby is a human that doesn’t speak but does feel, experiences and is totally aware. Babies are part of a family, they belong to the bigger picture of a family soul: an energy field that contains genes and epigenetics; the collection of experiences in the lives of +ancestors. Clinical Psychology could prove it so well: yes, trauma’s of past generations, at least 3, are stored in the Limbic brain. And the characteristic of traumas, epigenetics, are that they influence your life if they are not healed. Jewish toddlers in Europe, that have been given away to strangers to rescue them from being deported to concentration camps show often, as do their children, disturbances in bonding and relationships..
Negative thoughts and opinions stored in the mind of Adoptive-parents about the biological+Parents can create lifelong bonding issues for the child, who HEARD and FELT those opinions. An unconscious made choice can result in staying loyal on a deep level to their birth mother/parents or staying angry towards them for the rest of their entire life, OR are so loyal to the adoptive parent that a deep resentment to their own family of origin is a result.

Children are not for sale. Also, happiness is not for sale. The greatness of adopting a child that is in need for care is a beautiful, beautiful deed, often really lifesaving, however complicated as well.
A Non-judgmental and respectful attitude to the birth parents, regardless their situation as a result of how life treated them, and a loving attitude for each involved is imperative for the child’s well being and are extremely important ingredients.
Adoption is an act of extremities: powerful loving care vs deep powerless loss.
Impressive healing is often witnessed in a Family Constellation, bringing peace and balance back in the families, in the birth as well in the adoptive families.

www.carlavanwalsum.com  ww.happychildrenhappyhome.com

childhood wounds, adoption

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