Compassion, respect. Today, kids barely play outdoors anymore, though free play is extremely important for a balanced development. Schools are overwhelmingly large, non-personal and create, in general a lot of pressure for children. Competition instead of cooperation is often the primary focus. Competition alienates children’s from each other, ruins friendships and creates negativity. Fear of failure or success and lack of self-esteem can be the result. Children learn to have respect for winners. But what about the “losers”? Dont they deserve respect too? And…WHAT makes someone a loser anyway? What about teaching compassion and appreciating each other’s diversity? The judgmental system about good and bad behavior teaches disrespect and intolerance. Bad behavior is often a result of unmet needs. Needs related to safety (group-pressure, bullying, family-issues, a father that left) acceptance (being criticised many times a day) peacefulness (fighting parents at home)? School could be the place for compassion and joy, in addition to solely pointing the focus towards academics. A missed opportunity in learning compassion and respect.
Respectful, authentic relationships. When you should NEVER take the cellphone from your child. It’s very upsetting, right, when your child/teen doesn’t speak respectfully to you and continues to do so after you expressed your disconcert/disagreement. As a response to unwanted behavior and feeling powerless and angry you probably have learned to take the phone away, saying: “If you cannot treat me with respect, you cannot have your phone. When you change your behavior and treat me with respect, you might get it back.” Guess what, a few hours later the behavior changed. You got what you wanted, more polite behavior. Polite yes, but that is NOT the same as intrinsic felt respect. The love for the cellphone made him choose different behavior, not the love for you. The opposite is true: instead of feeling genuinely respected you alienate more from each other. If your child treats you politely out of fear for what can happen, that is hopefully not the relationship you want. If your partner is angry, and doesn’t talk to you in the way you like, do you take his cellphone away? No. How do you respond then? If there is behavior from children what we interpret as Read More