Conscious Heartbased Communication


Hidden loyalties, procrastination.

Hidden loyalties, procrastination. Everyone has hidden loyalties. This is such an important topic! I will share a little bit, and explain much more, in the upcoming workshop and video that will be posted on FB and YouTube. We all have loyalties to our belief-systems, family members, siblings, ethnicities, nations, grandparents, to the suffering of our ancestors, or to groups of people we may be unaware of. Loyalty, in and of itself, is an extremely important trait in relationships, but as family constellations reveals, it is often connected to self-sabotage. It starts with our loyalty to the ones who gave us life.


The Emperor’s New Drugs: Antidepressants

Antridepressants, depression There are many ways to raise your vibration including: thinking positive and uplifting thoughts. What about antidepressants? As a child did you listen to, or read, the story about the Emperor’s New Clothes? Fascinating, wasn’t it? Well, I found a courageous book entitled: The Emperor’s New Drugs, exploding the Antidepressant Myth. Many of you know and believe in the power of the mind and positive thinking. Also, many of you know  that depressions can be part of Epigenetics, “inherited family traumas” as is so frequently evidenced in the systemic family constellation work. Click on title to read entire post.In one session the depression can be released, often forever. That means that conscious -and subconscious levels entangle and intertwine. You can try to be positive till you become blue in the face yet still carry, deep down inside, a sense of depressive feelings. Here’s what Irving Kirsch, PhD-psychologist, who for years had been referring his patients to psychiatrists for drugs, antidepressants,  wrote in his above mentioned book: “The conventional view of depression is that it is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. The basis for that idea was the belief that antidepressant drugs were effective treatments. Our Read More


A missed oportunity

compassion, respect. Today, kids barely play outdoors anymore, though free play is extremely important for a balanced development. Schools are overwhelmingly large, non-personal and create, in general a lot of pressure for children. Competition instead of cooperation is often the primary focus. Competition alienates children’s from each other, ruins friendships and creates negativity. Fear of failure or success and lack of self-esteem can be the result. Children  learn to have respect for  winners. But what about the “losers”? Dont they deserve respect too? And…WHAT makes someone a loser anyway?  What about teaching compassion and  appreciating each other’s diversity? The judgmental system about good and bad behavior teaches disrespect  and intolerance. Bad behavior is often a result of unmet needs.  Needs related to safety (group-pressure, bullying, family-issues, a father that left) acceptance (being criticised many times a day) peacefulness (fighting parents at home)? School could be the place for compassion and joy, in addition to solely pointing the focus towards academics. A missed opportunity in learning compassion and respect.


When you should NEVER take the cell phone from your child

Respectful, authentic relationships. When you should NEVER take the cellphone from your child. It’s very upsetting, right, when your child/teen doesn’t speak respectfully to you and continues to do so after you expressed your disconcert/disagreement.  As a response to unwanted behavior and feeling powerless and angry you probably have learned to take the phone away, saying: “If you cannot treat me with respect, you cannot have your phone. When you change your behavior and treat me with respect, you might get it back.”  Guess what, a few hours later the behavior changed. You got what you wanted, more polite behavior. Polite yes, but that is NOT the same as intrinsic felt respect.  The love for the cellphone made him choose different behavior, not the love for you. The opposite is true: instead of feeling genuinely respected you alienate more from each other. If your child treats you politely out of fear for what can happen, that is hopefully not the relationship you want. If your partner is angry, and doesn’t talk to you in the way you like, do you take his cellphone away? No. How do you respond then? If there is behavior from children what we interpret as Read More


Choose your words wisely

Every day still millions of children are verbally and psychologically mistreated, as has been going on for centuries. Yes, the  most widely recognized forms of abuse are physical and sexual, however at the core of all abuse is emotional abuse. When adults do not heal their own wounds a vicious circle takes place. Traumatic experiences of past generations can still reverberate to future generations. The attacks on a child’s emotional well-being and sense of self-worth are often done unconsciously. The power, impact, and consequences of the use of words has been highly under-estimated. Though, not everybody realizes that. Fear for “what if…” blocks the empathic and compassionate development and much more. We could simply realize that many are not really happy with them selves or in their relationships.


Trust

Trust is one strong component for..   ….  healthy-functioning relationships. You might agree with that, but do you also know HOW to create (more) trust in your world or in yourself, especially when you don’t think that trust is highly present in your life?      It could be that as a child you overheard your parents saying to someone else, “I don’t trust that kid at all!” “You can never trust them!”  Or you may have heard some similar expression.   Your subconscious collects all data in your life and determines much of your motivation and behavior. Usually, the negative statements you heard about yourself became part of your identity, and ironically, you most likely are proving its truth in your life. It is a terrible feeling when people don’t trust you for no apparent reason, or when you feel untrustworthy or distrustful.     Our daily conscious thoughts influence our well being and the way we deal with our lives. If we want to intentionally create more trust in our lives, the first step is to question and identify the fear behind the thoughts we tend to have….”Why do I think that, and who says that it is true?” Maybe your world view is pessimistically colored, and you consider your views as realistic…without realizing that ‘realistic’ is a personal, subjective description that is perceived differently by everyone…You may worry that Read More


Fear of what if…

Conscious Heartbased Parenting Our family experiences and burdens determine our lives today. Clinical psychology science shows that traumas are stored in the      limbic brain for about three to seven generations.  How many people do you know who really thrive, feel successful and live in a harmonious family? Often it is just about surviving in life. The baggage we carry we cannot get rid of easily either. YOU want to make changes, but how? Many people raise their children based on fear, the fear of: “What if…” But we cannot control what will happen. We cannot control others without their compliance either.


No label for divorce please

Eight years ago I divorced without a lawyer. To ease the difficulties I used energy psychology tools which really helped the situation. Because there were 3 children involved, there was a mandatory 3 hour mediation session. A very nice and capable woman, also psychologist, showed up and we all were pleased how the session went. A little while ago I bumped into her at a party and I said: “You know, everything turned out so well, my ex and I have a very cordial relationship  and the children are doing great and do not have any significant emotional scars or issues as result from the divorce whatsoever.”  She paused, and looked deep into my eyes and said “Carla, they ALWAYS get scarred by divorce”. I answered “No , that is called LIFE!” Difficult life experiences  are opportunities for growth and  learning  that enrich and strengthen us. These experiences shape us to be better people. We can choose to heal that victim feeling.  The tendency to label every issue as a disorder or disease bothers me. The DSM V (Diagnostic Statistic Manual)  is thicker than ever. I totally don’t deny there are many real mental diseases, of course there are.  However, identifying everything with labels free Read More


The Sound of Compassion

Last night I learned about the sound of compassion. How does compassion sound?  Before you start to laugh or think critically you might consider doing what Einstein did. He declared that everything is energy. Having said that, we squeeze our minds to try to imagine what that really means. It’s very abstract, right? Not easy to do in a society where validation primarily is given to the perceivable world. Anyway, very old wisdom written down in one of the books of the Zohar (Kabbalah) teaches us that the “Aaaaahhhh” sound, felt in the chest by focusing on the heart and chest, has a level of vibration that creates compassion. You just put your hand on your heart and feel it. From Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer I learned that Shaaaaahhh… is the sound of creation. So that indicates that Ahhh: “compassion” is an integral part of Shaaaahhh. To chant that sound is a great start of the day. Ending the day with Ommmmmm which means gratitude is really lifting up your energy.


If you change the way

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change…”   Positive Mindset   Imagine that this quote would be taught at school. If children would learn that they can choose different thoughts about any situation! That they would learn to think independently, geared towards making positive choices. It would help them to face and change hidden negative beliefs and blocks.  Those blocks thwart living a fulfilling life, hinder the flow of love and success in work. Often those negative beliefs run through the family for generations. If your ancestors lived in poverty and fear of persecution, most likely you carry some patterns that are still related to those situations. Even if there’s nothing to worry about, the habit to live in fear is deeply ingrained. If you cannot sleep because your bank account is kind of empty, you think that  a huge amount of money would take away your worries and you would be happy. But guess what. Many who changed from being in  poverty into being wealthy, do not change their thoughts and beliefs and continue the habit of living in fear. They are very worried they might LOOSE their wealth. What you focus on, creates more Read More