Couple relationships


Hidden loyalties, procrastination.

Hidden loyalties, procrastination. Everyone has hidden loyalties. This is such an important topic! I will share a little bit, and explain much more, in the upcoming workshop and video that will be posted on FB and YouTube. We all have loyalties to our belief-systems, family members, siblings, ethnicities, nations, grandparents, to the suffering of our ancestors, or to groups of people we may be unaware of. Loyalty, in and of itself, is an extremely important trait in relationships, but as family constellations reveals, it is often connected to self-sabotage. It starts with our loyalty to the ones who gave us life.


The art of communication

Do you enjoy watching or listening to  sharp, inspirational and intelligent debates? I do. It’s an art if it includes maintaining respect for each other. Unfortunately, when the element of competition joins the performance, lower vibrations arise. Attacking, judging, cursing, become intruding tools. Lately, the political debates and news reports have repeatedly shown how easily lack a of respect surfaces, and how easily many people have made all kind of judgments. We know a lot, but there’s a lot we do NOT know. Read more about our upcoming workshop Self-development  In the world of self-development it is crucial to become aware of criticism, judgments and presumptions in order to create fulfilling relationships and happy children. Cursing at each other and criticizing frequently tends to kill love and self-esteem.    Comparison If we bring elements of comparison and competition in a relationship or friendship and think or say: “I’m better than you. My family is better than you. My ideas are better than yours.” , that kills love and relationships. This kind of attitude doesn’t contribute to positive growth or sustenance in relationships. In a political debate it’s not about friendship it’s about clarifying ones intentions, thoughts and opinions. Wouldn’t it be nice Read More


Choose your words wisely

Every day still millions of children are verbally and psychologically mistreated, as has been going on for centuries. Yes, the  most widely recognized forms of abuse are physical and sexual, however at the core of all abuse is emotional abuse. When adults do not heal their own wounds a vicious circle takes place. Traumatic experiences of past generations can still reverberate to future generations. The attacks on a child’s emotional well-being and sense of self-worth are often done unconsciously. The power, impact, and consequences of the use of words has been highly under-estimated. Though, not everybody realizes that. Fear for “what if…” blocks the empathic and compassionate development and much more. We could simply realize that many are not really happy with them selves or in their relationships.


Trust

Trust is one strong component for..   ….  healthy-functioning relationships. You might agree with that, but do you also know HOW to create (more) trust in your world or in yourself, especially when you don’t think that trust is highly present in your life?      It could be that as a child you overheard your parents saying to someone else, “I don’t trust that kid at all!” “You can never trust them!”  Or you may have heard some similar expression.   Your subconscious collects all data in your life and determines much of your motivation and behavior. Usually, the negative statements you heard about yourself became part of your identity, and ironically, you most likely are proving its truth in your life. It is a terrible feeling when people don’t trust you for no apparent reason, or when you feel untrustworthy or distrustful.     Our daily conscious thoughts influence our well being and the way we deal with our lives. If we want to intentionally create more trust in our lives, the first step is to question and identify the fear behind the thoughts we tend to have….”Why do I think that, and who says that it is true?” Maybe your world view is pessimistically colored, and you consider your views as realistic…without realizing that ‘realistic’ is a personal, subjective description that is perceived differently by everyone…You may worry that Read More


Fear of what if…

Conscious Heartbased Parenting Our family experiences and burdens determine our lives today. Clinical psychology science shows that traumas are stored in the      limbic brain for about three to seven generations.  How many people do you know who really thrive, feel successful and live in a harmonious family? Often it is just about surviving in life. The baggage we carry we cannot get rid of easily either. YOU want to make changes, but how? Many people raise their children based on fear, the fear of: “What if…” But we cannot control what will happen. We cannot control others without their compliance either.


No label for divorce please

Eight years ago I divorced without a lawyer. To ease the difficulties I used energy psychology tools which really helped the situation. Because there were 3 children involved, there was a mandatory 3 hour mediation session. A very nice and capable woman, also psychologist, showed up and we all were pleased how the session went. A little while ago I bumped into her at a party and I said: “You know, everything turned out so well, my ex and I have a very cordial relationship  and the children are doing great and do not have any significant emotional scars or issues as result from the divorce whatsoever.”  She paused, and looked deep into my eyes and said “Carla, they ALWAYS get scarred by divorce”. I answered “No , that is called LIFE!” Difficult life experiences  are opportunities for growth and  learning  that enrich and strengthen us. These experiences shape us to be better people. We can choose to heal that victim feeling.  The tendency to label every issue as a disorder or disease bothers me. The DSM V (Diagnostic Statistic Manual)  is thicker than ever. I totally don’t deny there are many real mental diseases, of course there are.  However, identifying everything with labels free Read More


The Sound of Compassion

Last night I learned about the sound of compassion. How does compassion sound?  Before you start to laugh or think critically you might consider doing what Einstein did. He declared that everything is energy. Having said that, we squeeze our minds to try to imagine what that really means. It’s very abstract, right? Not easy to do in a society where validation primarily is given to the perceivable world. Anyway, very old wisdom written down in one of the books of the Zohar (Kabbalah) teaches us that the “Aaaaahhhh” sound, felt in the chest by focusing on the heart and chest, has a level of vibration that creates compassion. You just put your hand on your heart and feel it. From Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer I learned that Shaaaaahhh… is the sound of creation. So that indicates that Ahhh: “compassion” is an integral part of Shaaaahhh. To chant that sound is a great start of the day. Ending the day with Ommmmmm which means gratitude is really lifting up your energy.


If you change the way

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change…”   Positive Mindset   Imagine that this quote would be taught at school. If children would learn that they can choose different thoughts about any situation! That they would learn to think independently, geared towards making positive choices. It would help them to face and change hidden negative beliefs and blocks.  Those blocks thwart living a fulfilling life, hinder the flow of love and success in work. Often those negative beliefs run through the family for generations. If your ancestors lived in poverty and fear of persecution, most likely you carry some patterns that are still related to those situations. Even if there’s nothing to worry about, the habit to live in fear is deeply ingrained. If you cannot sleep because your bank account is kind of empty, you think that  a huge amount of money would take away your worries and you would be happy. But guess what. Many who changed from being in  poverty into being wealthy, do not change their thoughts and beliefs and continue the habit of living in fear. They are very worried they might LOOSE their wealth. What you focus on, creates more Read More


Do you worry?

Epigenetics Are you willing to stop worrying about what the world wants from you and willing to make it your job and your life purpose to fully live, love and feel every precious moment of your life? (Not easy, right?) Did you ever realize that “worrying” is a HABIT, most often inherited from your family? Imagine, your ancestors might have experienced extreme violence, even for centuries. Then they moved to the USA to be free. Today your family lives in a relatively safe situation. But the habit of worrying can still exist. Even if there’s nothing to worry about. Do you realize that by living in  FEAR  your stamina gets low, your immune system is negatively effected and your serotonin productivity is inhibited?  If you are one of those “worriers”, here are some tips. Challenge yourself with questions. “Is it really necessary to worry about this?” “What am I achieving by doing so?” “How would I feel if I would let go of all those thoughts that don’t serve me but stress me out?” Rebuild TRUST. In our science based way of thinking, TRUST is a vague energy that we cannot “prove”. Only with metaphysical concepts can this be understood. Read More


Epigenetics, Cheating

Generational Patterns /Transferred Traumas/ Epigenetics and Cheating “My husband sometimes cheats on me, he says that he really loves me and doesn’t want to divorce, and it just drives me crazy!” Linda looked at me with deep sadness. “Did he lose a parent at a young age?”  This is usually the first question I ask with these kind of matters. Why? Because as Bert Hellinger (Hellinger 2001) so greatly explained, “when a child loses a parent, he is not strong enough to bear the grief and sadness. Instead the child reacts with anger.“  Anger can be seen as aggression as well.  The message that the child gets is also that of “If s/he really loved me s/he would have stayed. “ A young child doesn’t have a true understanding of what death or even loss through divorce means.  As a result, they take these events personally.