Case Studies


  Case Studies Family Constellations and Footprints

1. Jimmy

case studies family constellations

With his grandmother, 9 Year old Jimmy came for a session to my office.  I was the last therapist to try before they would put Jimmy on medication for ADHD and hyperactivity. Grandma was the caretaker for Jimmy and his sister because their parents were divorced and unable to take care of their children. Grandma spoke very negatively about her ex-daughter in law. “She‘s a horrible mother, a drug addict. She’s not even paying child-support.”  Jimmy looked away while she spoke. For me the task was to elicit some empathy from grandmother for Jimmy’s mother, who was seemingly immersed in her own problems. Being addicted to drugs never occurs because of happy reasons. Grandma was not open to hear any other vision than her own.

I asked Jimmy to “map his family” with colored footprints he would choose from,rints , where ever he would feel comfortable .  Those feelings would then  be seen as belonging to the footprints of that person. Jimmy put next to everyone  “love” but not for himself. He put “sadness” to his mother’s footprints and also to his own. He put “anger” next to his father’s prints.
The mapping shows the inner picture of how Jimmy perceives his family and ultimately his world. He was obviously feeling lonely, disconnected from his parents, but supported by grandparents, and had no love for himself (!).

 The way he positioned his own feet showed a deep longing for his mother. It became clear how he was connected to his mother, which was with sadness and pain. He peeked from the corners of his eyes to his grandmother, afraid of what she would think from all this and he saw that she was tearing up. This picture made her realize that it is detrimental for the boy when she speaks negatively about his mother. His feelings need to be respected.

Even a troubled mother wants to be loved by her child, and deserves respect for wherever and whatever she is going through.  Most importantly, regardless of the situation, the child will love his mother. The child needs to have positive feelings about his parents, which can be very difficult and conflicting. Tearing natural family ties apart can cause restlessness and depression. It is our judging that can hurt others so much.  One session seemed to be enough to have Jimmy‘s behavior change.  The need for medication was gone. Peace after divorce?

Case studies family constellations
The green footprints are from Jimmy, the orange form his sister, “yellow and blue” the grandparents, “dark pink” the dad, “yellow” the mom. The pink circles symbolize “love”, the purple circles “sadness”. Red square: “anger”.

case studies  family constellations


Case Studies Family Constellations and Footprints

2. Siblings

Just came back from teaching in college an experiential workshop “Unlock the Hidden Wisdom of your Energy-fields”. A theme that was brought up by one of the students “J”: “sibling rivalry and jealousy”. Thephoto relationship between J and her sister was burdened by negativity and the youngest, J, indicated she wanted to have a happier relationship with her only sibling. She has practiced forgiveness but needed more work to do, she suggested. “J” appeared as extremely friendly and smiling a lot. She explicitly smiled when she was telling me and the group how painful it was for her.

Case: Two sisters, one year apart, both now in their twenties. The youngest sister was present in my class. Parents have compared both girls a lot, the eldest did many things which were perceived as “wrong” by the parents, so they limited the younger one in much. Elements as guilt, and aloofness were part in the elder sister, with the youngest “J” sadness, and strongly present.

Resolution: The moment J acknowledged and allowed her self to feel the sadness and pain about the relationship, her constant smiling changed into real connection with herself. Looking and embracing “Forgiveness” made her stronger, and “Sadness” and “Jealousy” weakened and left the Morphogenetic field.

Yes, often Forgiveness and Letting Go which never is the same as “condoning” offer the key to healing. Another aspect is the CONCIOUS knowing NOT to criticize your children when you raise them. There are many ways to teach your children to be on a path of success without taking away their self confidence and self-love.
Never compare your children, allow them to be their brightest selves.
Comparison alienates us from each other,it  is judgmental and does NOT contribute to feeling better and harmonious within oneself. Who are we to compare people anyway…
Live and breathe respect for each others differences instead of differentiate and separate. The more jealousy and blame you see occurring between siblings, the more you need to look into how and what are the ways you as a parent talk to them, acknowledge them. Observing children offers a mirror of wisdom.

 

 

 

Hellinger